I recently changed my place of work, I am not a nervous person by nature but being in a new unknown environment does make one anxious. I don’t usually like to make small talk with people or try to dig into their lives but that is me and this fact does not stop others from doing the same with me.
So there I was sitting awkwardly, surrounded by a bunch of new faces, trying to sip my chai and pretending to listen their end of conversation nodding my head once in a while just to show that I’m also a part of this discussion.
“So who are you ?” One of my senior abruptly asked staring me in the eyes.
“Umm…mam I just joined 3 days back, I am a junior r….”
“Ohho I know who you are !” She cut me off. ” I want to know what are you ?”
Confused of what my response should be, I was pretty sure that she was not talking about my gender. Trying to figure out the correct reply to her complicated simple question I gave out an uneasy smile “mam I. ..”
“I was asking about your caste, what caste do you belong to ?” She finally cleared the air.
Sitting there among a group of people who are well respected and highly educated members of our society I was stunned by what she had just said. Quickly coming back to my senses I gave her what she was looking for. She made a bit more inquiry and went back to her discussion with others.
But since then I have been wondering…is this what we really are ?? How are the people who have a few more degrees than others who have none different from each other ??
Getting a higher education does not make you wiser person, I already knew that. But when you are an influencer of the masses shouldn’t there be a different level of mindset ??
Why are people still interested in other’s religion or caste ? Is that going to change your behaviour towards each other ?
Why can’t we accept the fact that we all belong to the same human caste ? Wouldn’t that make things easier that what we make of it today ?
But then again being in a highly public interactive profession this was the first time such a kind of instance happened with me. So I belive that there is hope. The human caste still lives on…
The night ended,
and the day began
I started searching for the reason,
The reason to cry
The reason to try
The reason to fall apart
And the reason to again give it a new start,
The reason to search the one you lost,
The reason for being nostalgic when you know those moments have crossed,
The reason to fall in love when you have already broken someone’s heart,
The reason for faith in a mother’s eyes,
The reason to wait for that special prize,
The reason for spring
The reason for fall
The reason for expecting that one opportunity call,
The reason for being adamant when you can loose it all,
The reason why tears fall amidst of a smile,
The reason to live
The reason to die
The reason to search for the answers,
The reason to solve problems left untried…
“But why do you want to do this don’t you realise you are just a girl you are weak” he said
“Just a girl ? ” she asked in disbelief “what is that supposed to mean ? what does me being a girl has to do with it ?”
“Are you so naive or do you make this up to upset me ?” He again howled
Listening and tolerating this unpleasant conversation over and over which wasn’t even actually a ‘coversation’ requiring two people going through the same ordeal time and again she just withdrew herself but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more for her…more humiliation more suffering more loathing.
He was not content with her withdrawal and to take it a step further he hit her…where she was most vulnerable not physically but emotionally. Taking her painfully into the past making her relive all the traumatic experiences forcing her to realise what kind of an intolerable human being she was and it was he who saved her. She was repeatedly reminded of her worthlessness.
She once again tried to walk away from this dreadful scene but little did she knew he had other things planned for her.
“You are just a liability a despicable burden. You should be thankful to me for taking pity on you ” he barked
“That was all in the past please don’t crush my future on that note” she pleaded
“Future ? You will not plan your future you will not decide. Don’t forget you only get a future that I choose” he said blatantly
She surrendered…she could not bear it any longer, with her eyes flooding she quietly picked up her shattered soul and cried her heart out. She cried in the dark till she could cry no more. Then she got up hid away the pieces of her soul and watched her life carry on. What else she could do after all….she was just a girl !